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Texting...is it just me?

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What is proper texting etiquette?

Admittedly I am not a big text'er (is that even a word?), but occasionally I accommodate my texting colleagues and friends by texting with them. I do think there are times when texting makes more sense than other forms of communications. The issue I have is when it is used in lieu of a phone call when I think a call is more appropriate.

Example: Friday evening at 8:00pm I spoke to friends and we finalized plans for them to visit the next day and spend the evening. The next day my wife and I woke up and began cleaning the house and cooking for the day. We made poached salmon, a great tuna steak dish, pasta salad, and some appetizers. It was going to be a great visit. At around 10:30 I was in my office and I grabbed my phone so I can see what time it was. What I saw was a text message from 9:58 the night before from our friends saying “Sorry, we can’t make it. See you soon.” To say that I was upset is an understatement. True, these friends text all the time, but in my opinion this was something that had to be said not read. Besides, these friends know us well enough to know I’m not attached to the phone. I just think it is the chicken’s way out of having an uncomfortable conversation. I’ve seen this behavior in a work setting as well. Some folks just rather text or email than to have a “confrontation.”  As for our friends, we’ve been friends for over 25 years and this isn’t going to impact our friendship, but it is still irritating me. On the upside, we had a nice clean house and great food to eat all weekend.

What say you? Am I over reacting? Should I be checking my texts before I go to bed? I’m I a digital dinosaur for even complaining about this? I’m interested in your opinion.

Comments

Submitted by Douglas Schultz August 27, 2010 - 8:40 AM

I am not a big text'er (There....both of have used it so its a word now!!) either. I just recently changed my plan to include unlimited texts because people had started using that form to communicate with me. I agree there are times when its appropriate form. I'll sometimes text my wife because traffic is worse than I expected and will be late. Texting in that case is quicker and if she is not necessarily waiting on me, she can read it when she wants. Some people just expect that you will read and respond to texts immediately. You have to know the person you are communicating with to know if that is true or not. I do agree that it wasn't necessarily appropriate for your friends to cancel in that manner, since you had communicated via phone in setting up the time. That should have been a phone call in my opinion.

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Submitted by Jerry Thomas October 01, 2010 - 8:19 PM

Art - You didn't finish the article. You have told us how "text" in lieu of a phone call ruined your plans for that day. We as the audience know this because you "texted" us this fact through your blog. Inquiring minds want to know, did YOU call your friends and confront them regarding your concern? That would have been an appropriate end to your blog. Texting as an informal and cowardly way of communicating was countered by intelligent conversation that was conducted in first person. I cannot escape the sense that you have countered a personal text with this public blog. Perhaps there was more that we will never know. Did your friends have a legitimate reason for canceling their appointment? You stated that this will not impact your friendship. Why is that? Are these good friends? Is "texting" really irrelevant in this context? What, after all, is your point? Texting....is it just you?

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Submitted by Art Schlussel October 02, 2010 - 8:57 AM

Jerry makes excellent points regarding the responsibility to ensure knowledge flow occurs regardless of the medium. This issue in business settings is very real as multiple generations with very different styles and operating methods seek to communicate with each other. The relevant question I was raising for discussion is should the medium matter as much as or more than the content? My opinion is no. It is the content and its flow that is most important regardless of the medium or channel. The fact is, different people communicate in different ways using a multitude of ever expanding technologies. Technology out paces the creation of governance or "social norms" of its use. Our challenge is to make best use of these tools, and to develop the skills (both technical and social) to interact effectively with those who are early adopters. In the case of this story my issues with the use of texting did get in the way of the knowledge flow and impacted the conversation. The issue, as I see it, is not with the sender, but with the receiver who must adapt to this new (and here to stay) medium and learn to effectively use this tool to effectively communicate.
As for airing personal issues on a public forum, that was never the intent. Personal experiences stimulate thought which can then be used to frame a story to act as a catalyst for discussion and discourse. The story only serves as way to tee-up and frame the conversation. Some "personal issues" are based on fact, some on fiction, and some on a combination of the two. The story is just that, a story. The topic of how we deal with technology and each other is the point.

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